My thoughts on motherhood - worth 96%!
I'm not going to lie. I thought I was a pretty smart puppy in high school. I was always on the honour roll and I finished my final year with a 94.6% average.
(And then I went to Queen's and started pulling 60s and 70s. Jeez, who knew you actually had to try in university?)
Anyway.
The other day, my mother called and told me she found one of my essays from my Grade 13 sociology class.
It's titled: Surviving First Year of Motherhood and is based on a Toronto Star story on British childbirth expert Sheila Kitzinger's book, The Year After Childbirth: Surviving and Enjoying The First Year of Motherhood.
The essay was submitted to my teacher on Oct. 16, 1995 - almost exactly 11 years ago ...
I got 24/25 on this - although to me, it seems quite wordy and unfocused in sections. But it has a nice ending.
This is what my teacher said: "A very good essay on a very challenging subject. You have handled the assignment efficiently and in a good writing style."
Read on to see what (if anything) I knew about motherhood when I was 18 years old.
I thought I was soooo smart back then with my good grades and honour roll status but I realize now just how little I actually knew about life, love, parenting and all that other hard stuff that knocks you on your butt once you're not cradled by the comfort of your parents' roof, bank account, security, 24-7 love, guidance and help.
(P.S. I type this as I stare at my one-month-old swinging in the best freakin' invention
ever, the Fisher Price Aquarium Cradle Swing. Are you pregnant? Run, don't walk to Toys R Us or Sears and buy one of these. Now. It has saved my sanity.)
THE ESSAY
It is often said that getting married is one of the most momentous experiences of one's life. It is the joining of two people who love, care and respect each other; who want to spend the rest of their lives together.
Within the many years they will spend together, many major decisions will be made; however, the most important decision a couple has to make is whether they may want to have a child.
Having a child means the couple must make lifestyle changes; they must learn to balance the demands of a child with the needs of each other. Frequently, it falls upon the woman to shoulder the responsibility and stay home with the child. In this scenario, obviously, the majority of the responsibilities and demands of child rearing fall upon her. The female partner in the marriage must learn to not only manage routine changes and deal with the emotional problems and stress, but also cope with the physical demands and obstacles that a newborn baby creates. The female must learn to survive the first year of motherhood. Why use the word survive? Because as stated in the article, Surviving first year of motherhood "You lose your identity and al control over time, both day and night."
There are no self-help manuals on surviving the first year as a mother, and although neighbours, friends and relatives will be willing to offer information and advice, motherhood is a personal experience; one that women need to experience and learn about themselves. Again, it states from the above mentioned article, "it is a matter of getting organized and figuring out how to manage your time, and even setting up support networks with other women." It is a matter of learning how to incorporate a newborn baby into your already constructed life.
Therefore, through the use of examples of routine management, emotional discord and the physical problems women endure, it will be proven motherhood is not a natural talent, but rather a struggle in which women must grow.
Women must learn to adapt and accept a new daily routine after their baby is born. It is not a process that comes naturally, or immediately once the baby is brought home. One of the greatest problems arises when, in order for a family to be financially secure, the mother has to continue to work, at least part-time. Once her day at work ends, her day at home begins. Now she must play wife, mother and housekeeper. It states in the article surviving First Year of Motherhood "you'll lose your power to predict what you'll accomplish in the morning or even the hour."
It may not always be a matter of being organized, for events and plans can change immediately. The time a mother may have thought would be have been perfect to get some laundry or housekeeping done may be interrupted by a necessary baby feeding or changing. The few hours the mother plans to sleep may not be the time the baby feels like resting. In all likelihood, the baby will want nurturing when the mother wants to sleep. (SARAH, 29-YEAR-OLD CURRENT ME INSERTS THOUGHT HERE): I was sooo right.
Families need to realize that once a new family member is introduced, their carefree lifestyle will disappear. They are now responsible and must be dedicated to the new life that they brought into the world. Both parents, especially the mother, must be able to schedule time for many things, including doctor appointments for both the child and herself, time for feedings, and if the mother is breast feeding, no one can give the mother a break, time for naps and sleep and time for play.
However, there are also other situations and events that need to have time dedicated to them. For example, time dedicated to the housework, to careers and most importantly, each parent of the child needs to be ready to dedicate time to each other. Without the parents happily interacting together, a happy and loving household will not be provided for the child. (SARAH SAYS: It's our two-year anniversary right now. We will be going out for dinner with our babe and, of course, bottles full of expressed milk. Want to look sexy in front of your mate? Try expressing milk through a breast pump. It pulls your breast so far out that it looks like taffy being stretched. Sexy!)
A happy and loving household must be provided for the child to keep him/her healthy and content; however, sometimes in trying to provide such an atmosphere, the mother can become sick and emotionally drained. The most common problem new mothers encounter is exhaustion.
Not only do they get many less hours of sleep than before the baby arrived, but also they have no rest or relaxation time, as each minute is important in accomplishing all the work that needs to be done in the house and family.
Again, stating from the article, Surviving First Year of Motherhood, the first year of motherhood is described as "emotionally turbulent" or perhaps a better term is "an emotional roller coaster year."
Probably the best argument for proving women have to grow into motherhood and learn to deal with the emotional discord is proven with a quote that is taken from the article. It says, "You grow into being a mother and there will be times when you're elated and times when you're depressed and wonder why you ever had a baby. It is a shock ... Women must recognize they're going to fall in and out of love with their baby and that's natural."
Although the first year of having a newborn baby can be a year of exhaustion and emotional "up and downs" women through experience will learn that they can persevere. Throughmanagementt and control, women can have a wonderful and loving first year with their child.
Lastly, women encounter many physical problems and obstacles duringtheirr first year as a mother. Often, women's bodies become exhausted. Their bodies no longer act on the commands that their brain is sending them. This is when the woman's health is in danger. Women must learn to deal with thephysicall changes that her body will endure. She may have larger, swollen breasts, this is so that she will be able to breast feed her child. Also due to the pregnancy and thelifestylee she may lead after her baby is born, the woman may have to suffer with weight gain. The woman may not be as active or may not have time for exercise. She may also be solving her emotional problems with food, which will result in physical problems.Anotherr problem she may encounter is the development of acne, or skinblemishess. This is caused by stress or because different chemicals change within the body duringpregnancyy.
There are also other major physical changes that occur within the pelvis and vaginal area. Learning to accept thephysicall changes of her body is a part of "growing into motherhood."
Women must realize that these changes are not only acceptable but also typical and that they must grow into motherhood. Again, as stated in the article, "women feel as though they are set adrift once they leave the maternity ward. Untrained in parenting, unsure of what to do, they thrash around in this strange new role that the world expects them to know by instinct." This is the keyphrasee. All women do not know what to do. Therefore, society should realize that women need to learn the ropes of motherhood.
Through the examples of routine management, emotional stress and physical problems it is obvious that women need time to learn how to manage their routines, be able to deal with the emotional strain and come to understand accept the physical changes their bodies are undergoing. It is not only an important year for the child, but also for the mother. This is the year that the mother will begin to learn about how to be a parent. She will use this new skill and build on it throughout her child's life.
In conclusion, mothers throughout their lives will often tell their children the old cliche of "time heals all wounds." It is time for society to tell mothers that "time teaches."
There might be more(or not)
(And then I went to Queen's and started pulling 60s and 70s. Jeez, who knew you actually had to try in university?)
Anyway.
The other day, my mother called and told me she found one of my essays from my Grade 13 sociology class.
It's titled: Surviving First Year of Motherhood and is based on a Toronto Star story on British childbirth expert Sheila Kitzinger's book, The Year After Childbirth: Surviving and Enjoying The First Year of Motherhood.
The essay was submitted to my teacher on Oct. 16, 1995 - almost exactly 11 years ago ...
I got 24/25 on this - although to me, it seems quite wordy and unfocused in sections. But it has a nice ending.
This is what my teacher said: "A very good essay on a very challenging subject. You have handled the assignment efficiently and in a good writing style."
Read on to see what (if anything) I knew about motherhood when I was 18 years old.
I thought I was soooo smart back then with my good grades and honour roll status but I realize now just how little I actually knew about life, love, parenting and all that other hard stuff that knocks you on your butt once you're not cradled by the comfort of your parents' roof, bank account, security, 24-7 love, guidance and help.
(P.S. I type this as I stare at my one-month-old swinging in the best freakin' invention
ever, the Fisher Price Aquarium Cradle Swing. Are you pregnant? Run, don't walk to Toys R Us or Sears and buy one of these. Now. It has saved my sanity.)
THE ESSAY
It is often said that getting married is one of the most momentous experiences of one's life. It is the joining of two people who love, care and respect each other; who want to spend the rest of their lives together.
Within the many years they will spend together, many major decisions will be made; however, the most important decision a couple has to make is whether they may want to have a child.
Having a child means the couple must make lifestyle changes; they must learn to balance the demands of a child with the needs of each other. Frequently, it falls upon the woman to shoulder the responsibility and stay home with the child. In this scenario, obviously, the majority of the responsibilities and demands of child rearing fall upon her. The female partner in the marriage must learn to not only manage routine changes and deal with the emotional problems and stress, but also cope with the physical demands and obstacles that a newborn baby creates. The female must learn to survive the first year of motherhood. Why use the word survive? Because as stated in the article, Surviving first year of motherhood "You lose your identity and al control over time, both day and night."
There are no self-help manuals on surviving the first year as a mother, and although neighbours, friends and relatives will be willing to offer information and advice, motherhood is a personal experience; one that women need to experience and learn about themselves. Again, it states from the above mentioned article, "it is a matter of getting organized and figuring out how to manage your time, and even setting up support networks with other women." It is a matter of learning how to incorporate a newborn baby into your already constructed life.
Therefore, through the use of examples of routine management, emotional discord and the physical problems women endure, it will be proven motherhood is not a natural talent, but rather a struggle in which women must grow.
Women must learn to adapt and accept a new daily routine after their baby is born. It is not a process that comes naturally, or immediately once the baby is brought home. One of the greatest problems arises when, in order for a family to be financially secure, the mother has to continue to work, at least part-time. Once her day at work ends, her day at home begins. Now she must play wife, mother and housekeeper. It states in the article surviving First Year of Motherhood "you'll lose your power to predict what you'll accomplish in the morning or even the hour."
It may not always be a matter of being organized, for events and plans can change immediately. The time a mother may have thought would be have been perfect to get some laundry or housekeeping done may be interrupted by a necessary baby feeding or changing. The few hours the mother plans to sleep may not be the time the baby feels like resting. In all likelihood, the baby will want nurturing when the mother wants to sleep. (SARAH, 29-YEAR-OLD CURRENT ME INSERTS THOUGHT HERE): I was sooo right.
Families need to realize that once a new family member is introduced, their carefree lifestyle will disappear. They are now responsible and must be dedicated to the new life that they brought into the world. Both parents, especially the mother, must be able to schedule time for many things, including doctor appointments for both the child and herself, time for feedings, and if the mother is breast feeding, no one can give the mother a break, time for naps and sleep and time for play.
However, there are also other situations and events that need to have time dedicated to them. For example, time dedicated to the housework, to careers and most importantly, each parent of the child needs to be ready to dedicate time to each other. Without the parents happily interacting together, a happy and loving household will not be provided for the child. (SARAH SAYS: It's our two-year anniversary right now. We will be going out for dinner with our babe and, of course, bottles full of expressed milk. Want to look sexy in front of your mate? Try expressing milk through a breast pump. It pulls your breast so far out that it looks like taffy being stretched. Sexy!)
A happy and loving household must be provided for the child to keep him/her healthy and content; however, sometimes in trying to provide such an atmosphere, the mother can become sick and emotionally drained. The most common problem new mothers encounter is exhaustion.
Not only do they get many less hours of sleep than before the baby arrived, but also they have no rest or relaxation time, as each minute is important in accomplishing all the work that needs to be done in the house and family.
Again, stating from the article, Surviving First Year of Motherhood, the first year of motherhood is described as "emotionally turbulent" or perhaps a better term is "an emotional roller coaster year."
Probably the best argument for proving women have to grow into motherhood and learn to deal with the emotional discord is proven with a quote that is taken from the article. It says, "You grow into being a mother and there will be times when you're elated and times when you're depressed and wonder why you ever had a baby. It is a shock ... Women must recognize they're going to fall in and out of love with their baby and that's natural."
Although the first year of having a newborn baby can be a year of exhaustion and emotional "up and downs" women through experience will learn that they can persevere. Throughmanagementt and control, women can have a wonderful and loving first year with their child.
Lastly, women encounter many physical problems and obstacles duringtheirr first year as a mother. Often, women's bodies become exhausted. Their bodies no longer act on the commands that their brain is sending them. This is when the woman's health is in danger. Women must learn to deal with thephysicall changes that her body will endure. She may have larger, swollen breasts, this is so that she will be able to breast feed her child. Also due to the pregnancy and thelifestylee she may lead after her baby is born, the woman may have to suffer with weight gain. The woman may not be as active or may not have time for exercise. She may also be solving her emotional problems with food, which will result in physical problems.Anotherr problem she may encounter is the development of acne, or skinblemishess. This is caused by stress or because different chemicals change within the body duringpregnancyy.
There are also other major physical changes that occur within the pelvis and vaginal area. Learning to accept thephysicall changes of her body is a part of "growing into motherhood."
Women must realize that these changes are not only acceptable but also typical and that they must grow into motherhood. Again, as stated in the article, "women feel as though they are set adrift once they leave the maternity ward. Untrained in parenting, unsure of what to do, they thrash around in this strange new role that the world expects them to know by instinct." This is the keyphrasee. All women do not know what to do. Therefore, society should realize that women need to learn the ropes of motherhood.
Through the examples of routine management, emotional stress and physical problems it is obvious that women need time to learn how to manage their routines, be able to deal with the emotional strain and come to understand accept the physical changes their bodies are undergoing. It is not only an important year for the child, but also for the mother. This is the year that the mother will begin to learn about how to be a parent. She will use this new skill and build on it throughout her child's life.
In conclusion, mothers throughout their lives will often tell their children the old cliche of "time heals all wounds." It is time for society to tell mothers that "time teaches."
There might be more(or not)
