How much is your time worth?
Many summers ago, after a boy broke my heart, I went home to my parents' house to wallow, weep and wail.
One night, after having a few too many drinkie drinks with my brother, I broke down on our front stoop and cried for a good solid hour on his shoulder.
At one point, I went to lift my head off his shoulder when I realized I was glued to him. Remember the great Ghostbusters movie? Remember how the ghostbusters got slimed? Well, my poor younger bro got slimed that night. I had cried so hard, I had attached myself to him with my snot.
Gross but unfortunately true.
Not since the breakup of 2002 have I seen such goop.
Until Thursday.
I spent the entire day calling daycares for my son. He has to go to daycare next fall. I knew back in September that I should be calling around to go on the waiting lists.
Kingston is notoriously short of day care spots. Yes, I know this. And so I should have called in October. But I didn't.
I should have called November. But I didn't.
I should have called in December. But I didn't.
Now, it's January and I have to start making the calls: "Hi, stranger. I have no idea who you are, what you're like, whether you collect Treasure Trolls, spoons, celebrity autographs or dust bunnies, but I have to entrust my perfect boy with you - you, a complete stranger, but would you like to take him full time?"
OK. Really the calls go like this: "Hi. I'd like to put my son on your waiting list."
And the response is: "Sure. No problem. We have one spot and you're number 63 on our waiting list. The list is at least one to one and a half years long."
By the end of the day, after calling countless daycares, I was empty. I wasn't looking for the best daycare for my son anymore. I was looking for any daycare that might possibly have a spot open when I needed it. Again, not looking for the best. Just looking for anything possible.
I looked at him differently that night.
All night I'd look at him and try and imprint my brain with what his smile looks like; how his smile makes his eyes sparkle; how his face is always shiny now that he's goobering so much because he's teething.
I needed to capture these images like photographs because one day, just a few months from now, I won't be able to look at him for eight to 10 hours a day.
And then I broke down. Huge tears ran down my face. How on Earth, am I supposed to leave my little boy to work? The BF came into the livingroom to find me crying and quickly walked out to the kitchen to get me some Kleenex. Actually, he didn't bring me Kleenex. He brought me papertowel and proceeded to wipe my nose.
Gross but unfortunately true.
I was one big ball of goopy snot.
I cried all that night and even though I did try and watch CSI, my mind was elsewhere. I was plotting ways we can save money so I can have more money to send my boy to the best care I can find.
We don't spend a lot of material things so it's not that easy to go through our spending and find places to cut but I'm going to do it.
One: One of our favourite indulgences, Starbucks coffee, is no more. We'll buy it in a big can from Costco. Lose the flavour, safe the cash.
Two: Cellphone is going bye-bye. Ten, 15 years ago people didn't have cellphones and somehow they still managed to survive.
Three: Every dollar is going to count. For months, we've been paying $3 extra a month for a specialty TV station. That's $36 a year. That station is gonezo.
Four: Every cent counts. I now have a dish in our house. Every time I see a penny I pick it up and put it in there. When I was in Grade 7, the yard supervisor picked up pennies whenever she saw them. By the end of the year, she showed us all how she'd made $100 picking up our discarded change.
Five: I've become my parents. I now go around our house turning off the lights. Electricity is expensive, you know.
And there are more to come.
It was just a few years ago when my mother would tell me all about how one day, I'd have a child and that child would rule my life and then one day I'd have to go back to work and it would break my heart and I would do anything for more time with him.
And now, here it is 2007, and I'm giving up my Starbucks, one of my few indulgences now, so that I can find an extra dollar or two.
Don't you hate it when your parents are right?
And by the way mom: What store has papertowels on sale this week?
One night, after having a few too many drinkie drinks with my brother, I broke down on our front stoop and cried for a good solid hour on his shoulder.
At one point, I went to lift my head off his shoulder when I realized I was glued to him. Remember the great Ghostbusters movie? Remember how the ghostbusters got slimed? Well, my poor younger bro got slimed that night. I had cried so hard, I had attached myself to him with my snot.
Gross but unfortunately true.
Not since the breakup of 2002 have I seen such goop.
Until Thursday.
I spent the entire day calling daycares for my son. He has to go to daycare next fall. I knew back in September that I should be calling around to go on the waiting lists.
Kingston is notoriously short of day care spots. Yes, I know this. And so I should have called in October. But I didn't.
I should have called November. But I didn't.
I should have called in December. But I didn't.
Now, it's January and I have to start making the calls: "Hi, stranger. I have no idea who you are, what you're like, whether you collect Treasure Trolls, spoons, celebrity autographs or dust bunnies, but I have to entrust my perfect boy with you - you, a complete stranger, but would you like to take him full time?"
OK. Really the calls go like this: "Hi. I'd like to put my son on your waiting list."
And the response is: "Sure. No problem. We have one spot and you're number 63 on our waiting list. The list is at least one to one and a half years long."
By the end of the day, after calling countless daycares, I was empty. I wasn't looking for the best daycare for my son anymore. I was looking for any daycare that might possibly have a spot open when I needed it. Again, not looking for the best. Just looking for anything possible.
I looked at him differently that night.
All night I'd look at him and try and imprint my brain with what his smile looks like; how his smile makes his eyes sparkle; how his face is always shiny now that he's goobering so much because he's teething.
I needed to capture these images like photographs because one day, just a few months from now, I won't be able to look at him for eight to 10 hours a day.
And then I broke down. Huge tears ran down my face. How on Earth, am I supposed to leave my little boy to work? The BF came into the livingroom to find me crying and quickly walked out to the kitchen to get me some Kleenex. Actually, he didn't bring me Kleenex. He brought me papertowel and proceeded to wipe my nose.
Gross but unfortunately true.
I was one big ball of goopy snot.
I cried all that night and even though I did try and watch CSI, my mind was elsewhere. I was plotting ways we can save money so I can have more money to send my boy to the best care I can find.
We don't spend a lot of material things so it's not that easy to go through our spending and find places to cut but I'm going to do it.
One: One of our favourite indulgences, Starbucks coffee, is no more. We'll buy it in a big can from Costco. Lose the flavour, safe the cash.
Two: Cellphone is going bye-bye. Ten, 15 years ago people didn't have cellphones and somehow they still managed to survive.
Three: Every dollar is going to count. For months, we've been paying $3 extra a month for a specialty TV station. That's $36 a year. That station is gonezo.
Four: Every cent counts. I now have a dish in our house. Every time I see a penny I pick it up and put it in there. When I was in Grade 7, the yard supervisor picked up pennies whenever she saw them. By the end of the year, she showed us all how she'd made $100 picking up our discarded change.
Five: I've become my parents. I now go around our house turning off the lights. Electricity is expensive, you know.
And there are more to come.
It was just a few years ago when my mother would tell me all about how one day, I'd have a child and that child would rule my life and then one day I'd have to go back to work and it would break my heart and I would do anything for more time with him.
And now, here it is 2007, and I'm giving up my Starbucks, one of my few indulgences now, so that I can find an extra dollar or two.
Don't you hate it when your parents are right?
And by the way mom: What store has papertowels on sale this week?
1 Comments:
This is a terrible time for you, you will find the care you need and after all is said and done, you will feel good to be back at work after everyone adjusts. It is hard to combine everything, but you will get into it and it sounds as if your BF is very helpful.
As much as we love our littl'uns, sometimes work can be a respite. That can be seen as a bit of a positive in a tough situation.
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