Duh. We dumb.
There's not a tremendous amount to do when breastfeeding.
Sure, I just ate a grilled cheese sandwich overtop of Little Man but I also dropped salsa on his forehead as I was trying to stuff the cheese into my mouth.
(Love grilled cheese? Try salsa instead of ketchup on it. Just call me Rachael Ray.)
So, while I'm breastfeeding I watch an awful lot of TV. An awful lot. A lot. Lots. I can just sit there and let him suck while I zone out. Sometimes I feel like the boob tube is sucking my brains out but this week was a new low. A very new low, I tell you.
Scenario No. 1:
Every morning on Live with Regis and Kelly, they have a trivia game and if the home viewer guesses the answer correctly then she wins a trip somewhere fabulous like Jamaica. One day recently, Reg and Kel, asked a viewer: "Recently Dylan McDermott was in Canada, in Regina, filming a movie. In what province is Regina?"
The viewer was dumbfounded. Even though you have enough time to punch in "Regina" into Google, she took a random guess and said Quebec.
Um, OK.
Scenario No. 2:
Just because you're a bazillionaire doesn't mean you really know how to live. Last week on Dr. Phil, men were proclaiming their love for fat women. Apparently it has something to do with the waddle.
(Where were all these men when I was a chunky monkey a few years ago?)
One man gave Dr. Phil a list of all the things his wife liked to eat and drink. Dr. Phil started listing them off: Dark chocolate, chocolate-covered strawberries, caramel mehchetto.
"I don't even know what that is!" he said.
"What's a meh-chett-o?"
The guest looked at him in surprise and said, "Uh, it's a drink. It's a caramel macch-i-a-to."
Dr. Phil has never had a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato?
Oh the shame.
Still, it would have been funny if he'd ever tried to order the drink.
"Hi. I'm Dr. Phil. I'd like to order a caramel machete."
Scenario No. 3:
I'm not going to lie: I watch America's Next Top Model. I love when Tyra Banks gets all preachy at the end of the show, and in her whisper voice says, "Sarah, you're a fine young woman. But we see you struggling and girl, you've got to raise the bar. It's not enough to be pretty. You've got to have drive and recently, your drive has been waning. But we know you can do it. Congratulations. You're one step closer to becoming America's Next Top Model."
This week, I'd like to give Tyra the boot.
Recently, all the mags published unflattering photos of the former supermodel.
Well, the supermodel threw a tantrum and did an exclusive interview with People magazine saying that yes, she's bigger, and yes, she's 161 pounds, but she's not fat.
Then, she went on her own show, in the same one-piece bathing suit that caused all the ruckus in the first place to defend her honour. Tyra took it upon herself to stand up for every single rootin' tootin' girl in the whole wide world who's ever been made fun of because of her weight.
Then she cried.
And then she told all those big bad meanies they can "kiss her fat ass."
Oh, Tyra. Shut up.
Tyra is a multi-millionaire supermodel, who's done shows in fat suits to really understand what being fat is all about. Unless you've spent months or years staring at your stretch marks, sucking in your stomach, never knowing whether your jeans are going to do up or not, and asking your mother: "Do I look fat?" you don't get a say.
This is a woman who made her money as a MODEL, the profession that drives our young girls into eating disorders. You don't think that girls looked at her picture on the cover of Sports Illustrated - her flat stomach, her long legs, her huge perfect titties, and went on a diet?
You can bet your bottom dollar that Tyra - who has featured girls on America's Next Top Model who gain weight and then get their paunch pointed out TV - has caused girls to diet, throw up, exercise compulsively, take laxatives, eat SlimFast bars before they're even in high school and go to diet centres.
If Tyra was really a strong woman who wanted to fight the discrimination large women face every day, she wouldn't have America's Next Top Model. Instead she'd fund a show called:
America's Next Top Doctor
America's Next Top Teacher
America's Next Top College Student
America's Next Top Volunteer
I'll admit it. I've watched the show so I'm part of the problem. But I often tell the teenager who watches the show with me that the girls are too skinny and boys like girls with some curves. Besides, girls with a little booty and some boobies look better in dresses. It's true. I've got pictures to prove it.
Sure, I just ate a grilled cheese sandwich overtop of Little Man but I also dropped salsa on his forehead as I was trying to stuff the cheese into my mouth.
(Love grilled cheese? Try salsa instead of ketchup on it. Just call me Rachael Ray.)
So, while I'm breastfeeding I watch an awful lot of TV. An awful lot. A lot. Lots. I can just sit there and let him suck while I zone out. Sometimes I feel like the boob tube is sucking my brains out but this week was a new low. A very new low, I tell you.
Scenario No. 1:
Every morning on Live with Regis and Kelly, they have a trivia game and if the home viewer guesses the answer correctly then she wins a trip somewhere fabulous like Jamaica. One day recently, Reg and Kel, asked a viewer: "Recently Dylan McDermott was in Canada, in Regina, filming a movie. In what province is Regina?"
The viewer was dumbfounded. Even though you have enough time to punch in "Regina" into Google, she took a random guess and said Quebec.
Um, OK.
Scenario No. 2:
Just because you're a bazillionaire doesn't mean you really know how to live. Last week on Dr. Phil, men were proclaiming their love for fat women. Apparently it has something to do with the waddle.
(Where were all these men when I was a chunky monkey a few years ago?)
One man gave Dr. Phil a list of all the things his wife liked to eat and drink. Dr. Phil started listing them off: Dark chocolate, chocolate-covered strawberries, caramel mehchetto.
"I don't even know what that is!" he said.
"What's a meh-chett-o?"
The guest looked at him in surprise and said, "Uh, it's a drink. It's a caramel macch-i-a-to."
Dr. Phil has never had a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato?
Oh the shame.
Still, it would have been funny if he'd ever tried to order the drink.
"Hi. I'm Dr. Phil. I'd like to order a caramel machete."
Scenario No. 3:
I'm not going to lie: I watch America's Next Top Model. I love when Tyra Banks gets all preachy at the end of the show, and in her whisper voice says, "Sarah, you're a fine young woman. But we see you struggling and girl, you've got to raise the bar. It's not enough to be pretty. You've got to have drive and recently, your drive has been waning. But we know you can do it. Congratulations. You're one step closer to becoming America's Next Top Model."
This week, I'd like to give Tyra the boot.
Recently, all the mags published unflattering photos of the former supermodel.
Well, the supermodel threw a tantrum and did an exclusive interview with People magazine saying that yes, she's bigger, and yes, she's 161 pounds, but she's not fat.
Then, she went on her own show, in the same one-piece bathing suit that caused all the ruckus in the first place to defend her honour. Tyra took it upon herself to stand up for every single rootin' tootin' girl in the whole wide world who's ever been made fun of because of her weight.
Then she cried.
And then she told all those big bad meanies they can "kiss her fat ass."
Oh, Tyra. Shut up.
Tyra is a multi-millionaire supermodel, who's done shows in fat suits to really understand what being fat is all about. Unless you've spent months or years staring at your stretch marks, sucking in your stomach, never knowing whether your jeans are going to do up or not, and asking your mother: "Do I look fat?" you don't get a say.
This is a woman who made her money as a MODEL, the profession that drives our young girls into eating disorders. You don't think that girls looked at her picture on the cover of Sports Illustrated - her flat stomach, her long legs, her huge perfect titties, and went on a diet?
You can bet your bottom dollar that Tyra - who has featured girls on America's Next Top Model who gain weight and then get their paunch pointed out TV - has caused girls to diet, throw up, exercise compulsively, take laxatives, eat SlimFast bars before they're even in high school and go to diet centres.
If Tyra was really a strong woman who wanted to fight the discrimination large women face every day, she wouldn't have America's Next Top Model. Instead she'd fund a show called:
America's Next Top Doctor
America's Next Top Teacher
America's Next Top College Student
America's Next Top Volunteer
I'll admit it. I've watched the show so I'm part of the problem. But I often tell the teenager who watches the show with me that the girls are too skinny and boys like girls with some curves. Besides, girls with a little booty and some boobies look better in dresses. It's true. I've got pictures to prove it.
1 Comments:
That was actually an intelligent blog. I can barely believe it. Your comments about Tyra and the fat suit are spot on. Gotta give you credit there. Most of the time you are so utterly superficial that I had to check the url to make sure I was on the right site. Publish more stuff like that and people will take you more seriously.
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