Meet the E-mail forward king

I’d like to bestow an honour on my father: Dad, I declare thee the E-mail Forwarding King of Canada.
Right now in my e-mail inbox I have probably a few hundred forwards he’s sent me over the past few months. I have to be honest: Most of them I don’t open because I know the e-mail is going to contain a collection of cute baby animals photographs or silly jokes. Have you heard the one about the three dads who walk into a bar on Father’s Day? No? Me neither, but I can probably get it for you. It’s undoubtedly in my father’s Forward Vault and, any day now, he’s going to unleash it on the world.
The latest one he sent me is titled: To My Wine Drinking Friends:
“Wine for Seniors,
California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will be marketed as...”
(Ready for the punchline? I’m sorry to do this to you…)
“Pino More!”
Do you see why I don’t open many of these things? They’re incredibly lame. But my problem is, I know my father likes sending them to me. They’re an easy way for a father to communicate with his daughter. I don’t think there are very many dads out there who are going to sit their 31-year-old daughters down and say, “Honey. I can sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed with life. You have a busy toddler and a demanding job. Every mother and wife feels like she has to take on the world. Let’s talk. Want to grab a Green Tea Frappucino (no whip) and share?”
But e-mail forwards a nice way to say: “Hey. I’m your dad and I’m thinking about you. And wine. And bad punchlines. And cute animal baby animals.”
It has been a stressful month in my home. Our sewer backed up in our house. Then my son got an ear infection. Then I got a wicked bronchial virus – which I gave to my husband. Then my son came down with a gastrointestinal virus, which made him so sick, we panicked a little and took him to Hotel Dieu’s Children’s Outpatient Centre because we were sure he was becoming deyhydrated since he couldn’t keep anything in his tummy. I obviously complained a little too much to my mother, because my father abandoned his forwards and started sending me real – albeit one-line – e-mails that said things such as: “Chin up! Have a hot shower and a nap and you’ll feel better!”
Still, the respite could last only so long. Within a couple of days, I noticed my inbox was filling up again with forwards, followed by e-mails from my dad enquiring as to whether I had actually read his forwards.
There is one piece of mail I got from my father that made me smile; a true, genuine, smile:
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.
5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget the rude remarks.
Yes, I got this in the mail from my dad – but not e-mail.
He’d actually sent me these 11 tips in an e-mail forward days ago, and then he realized I’d likely never read them. So, he printed them on two pages, taped the pages together, and mailed them to my home.
And then, of course, he e-mailed me to ask if I got his letter.
Gotta love him.
Happy Father’s Day, dads.